Pet Loss

PET LOSS                              

 

 

Loss and grieving can mean many things to many people. They are a fact of living and are with us throughout our lives.  There are many losses we go through in life resulting in various degrees of grief; the loss of a relationship, children leaving home, loss of a job or a move from one city to another.  In this situation we are addressing the loss of a pet, our best friend, a loyal companion.  The consequences of that loss can be enormous.  As a dog lover and a therapist I understand the difficult times people are faced with when losing a pet.  I have had that experience more than once and know that I’ll have to go through it again.  Like you, I consider our pets to be part of the family. 

 

Initially, we need to address grief and grieving in a generalized sense, discussing and identifying the symptoms and coping skills needed to go through the process to heal.  The grieving process is as individualized as the differences between you and other human beings.  There is no set time limit on our grief it may be of short or long duration.  There are a multitude of variables influencing the length of time involved and the depth or degree of our grief; variables, such as our individual personality, our belief system, past experiences, our attitude and our values, how the loss occurred and our sense of guilt. I would expect that your grief is overwhelming considering the fact you have taken the time to read to this point.  The noted psychiatrist, Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, set forth the 5 stages of grief, in 1969.

 

Denial-“This didn’t really happen.”

Anger-“This isn’t fair, its (fill in blank) fault.”

Bargaining-“If you give me more time, I’ll do   (blank).”    

Depression-“The effects are so bad, I can’t do anything.”

Acceptance-“I accept what happened and can go on.”

 

Unfortunately, many people take these stages as written in stone, believing that everyone goes through each and every stage in sequential order finally reaching “Acceptance.” The truth is we do not always go through each respective stage and if we do they are rarely in such perfect order.  In fact, later, Ms. Kubler-Ross wrote, “they (5 stages of grief) were never meant to tuck messy emotions into neat packages.  They are responses to loss that many people have, but there is not a typical response to loss, as there is no typical loss.  Our grieving is as individual as our lives.”

 

We do know that there is a mind and body connection and the results of loss can be multifaceted, affecting us, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.  We can have a loss of energy, lose or gain weight, increase or decrease our sleep, experience stress and anxiety, become muddled with our thinking, display anger inappropriately or even question our beliefs.

 

SOLUTIONS

First and foremost, do not give up, you can’t avoid it, at least for any significant period of time, it will still be there.  Facing it will allow you to heal and get better, moving on with your life.

 

Next, get support.  Join and participate in a support group, talk to friends and/or family, become more active in your faith or see a therapist.

 

Thirdly, take care of you, your physical and emotional needs.  Eat properly and get enough rest. Be creative, write a journal of your experiences or write down things you wish you had said earlier.  Make use of an artistic gift you may have, for instance sculpting or painting to express your feelings.   Become actively involved in a club or organization.  Help others in need, humans or non-humans.  As you may already be aware, by giving we receive innumerable gifts and it takes the focus off of ourselves.

 

HEALTHY AVOIDANCE

There can be unhealthy avoidance, as stated before, like suppressing your feelings.  Stuff feelings as you might they will remain until they are dealt with appropriately, allowing us to move on and grow.  However, there are those occasions of healthy avoidance.

 

Avoid people who tell you how you should feel or seem to put a time frame on the length of your grieving.  Saying things like, “just forget about it” or “you should have been over this a long time ago.”

 

“Triggers” are people, places or things reminding us of past experiences and enabling us to backslide.  Avoid as many as possible.  Some “triggers” are impossible to avoid, such as, birthdays or events that will always be remembered.  Have a plan, and follow through with it, be involved or acknowledge the event for a specific period of time, then let it go.  Do something completely different from the event or “trigger.”   Your feelings of being overwhelmed with grief will diminish over time, making you stronger and allowing for positive growth.

 

SOME OTHER RESOURCES FOR PET LOSS:

 

www.pet-loss.net  A very informative site that even list individual states and their resources for loss of a pet.

www.helpguide.org   This site lists various methods of coping with emotional issues.  It has a section on grief and loss when you click on that category it has a drop down and you can click on loss of a pet.

www.petloss.com   Grief support web-site.

www.peteducation.com

 

 

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